date: Thursday, August 14, 2008
title:
Well...let's be fully clear about this: Zhao Yong, I'm not talking about you, nor was the post about friendship to talk about whatever has happened. The friend I was talking about was someone from my primary school...and the friendship thing was really all directed to him...yeah, me and my mouth that always get into trouble. And it is just so convenient that there are two people I offended at the same time. Sigh...it seems too coincidental, but I guess that I'm the one that is contradicting myself. Despite all that I understand, I...am a failure when it comes to relationships. Sure, I got a full 100% last year for introspection, and I understand myself fully and best, yet, my inter-relationship scored a mere 70%...Useless, that's what I am. I may have comprehension of philo stuff, but it's easier said than done. I'm contradictd all that I've written on friendship, and in the end, my friends are all there for me, and I am the main sole perpetrator of whatever had happened. I am sorry...to all my friends: I have failed you.
I have not been the good friend that I should, I have not done anything that I should, yet I did everything that I ought not to do. I suppose it is because I've never been good at relationships, rather, keeping them. It's hard for me, really. I suppose this came from the time I was hurt from a friendship that was kept running for quite some time already when I was in primary school...then that friend of mine just well...it's too hard to talk about it anymore. Since then, it's become hard for me to fully understand anyone else.
I'm really sorry Zhao Yong, and Brandon, and Yuan Zhi, and Darion, and anyone else that had ever treated me as a friend. I have failed you as a friend. I have failed all of you, because of my selfishness...
To Zhao Yong:
I don't know if you'll ever read this, but if you do, I just want to tell you: I'm sorry... I don't know if you can tell it is sincere, but I truly am. To be truthful, when I wrote that Amazing Race thing, it was in a fit of anger. But now, even though it's over, I just want to tell you that I am ultimately still unsure about Amazing Race, not when I read that post of yours. Still, if you have read till here, I want to say: I'm sorry...
I'm such a failure.
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